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20110701
20110731
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Search Results 0 to 32 of about 33 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Jul 27, 2011 11:00pm PDT
made a big montage. that, my friends, that's my favorite, that one right there. so vicious, so mean, so cruel, and i don't hear it coming from conservatives about liberals. that is, if i may say, some of the most free-range, organically grown, disingenuous idealogically marinated unself-awareness i've ever seen in the wild. but you know what, it's woken me up. ed to reality of what some people face in this country, just for their political beliefs. you know, if you want to learn more about the hateful hyperbolic name-calling and malice mongering that people on the right face every day in this country, visit your local library and check out some of these informative titles. while you listen to the list,i'm just going to enjoy a little snack. [laughter] >> joining us now from washington, syndicated columnist michelle malkin, the author of the book "unhinged crn exposing liberals gone wild." >> fox news contributor jonah goldberg is here. >> "arguing with idiots." >> ann colter is the church of "godless: the church of liberalism." >> how islam and the left sabotage america. >> how the left
Comedy Central
Jul 20, 2011 9:30am PDT
: welcome to "the daily show," my name is jon stewart. big show. big, big, big, big, big show. our guests tonight, we have on tonight's program pakistan's former president pervez musharraf. my guess is we'll have a delightful beverage and a lovely conversation. (cheers and applause) so let's begin tonight with the on going "news of the world" phone hacking scandal. to get you caught up, a seemingly simple story. ma and pa owned newspaper hacking into a murdered little girl's phone and... (laughter). ... paying the police to cover it up. has unfortunately turned ugly. (laughter) as of now, london's two top policemen at scotland yard let's call them officer blu rotton has resigned. andrew colton has been arrested and sunday tragically authorities arrested poor mrs. weasley. (laughter) wait, no that's not mrs. weasley. sorry, tragically, authorities arrested the guy from simply red. yeah, that's it. actually, arrested was rebekah brooks, the woman who ran "news of the world" during the worst of-- as the british call them-- the troubles. (laughter) brooks had already resigned her post friday,
Comedy Central
Jul 6, 2011 11:00pm PDT
to think that was a big deal that i said we tell the other side of the story. i wish i had said the full story. here's what i meant. >> jon: wait. that was a big deal that you said that. that's your setting the record straight? i accidentally told the truth and wish i could take it back? you're not the... ( cheers and applause ) that's crazy. how are you not the counterweight? >> let me give you a classic example of what fair and balanced means to me. after hurricane katrina, the mainstream media piled on fema for its failure to respond to the crisis. and the federal government did a lousy job. but it was fox news that started reporting on the failure of the first responders, the city of new orleans and the state of louisiana to help people. yes, we reported fema's problems but we also told the other side of the story. >> jon: that's your example? you had a week to prepare an example and you came up with in 2005 everyone was (beep) on the republicans and we made sure they understood that local louisiana democrats (beep) too. i mean, just out of curiosity in your week of digging for that
Comedy Central
Jul 7, 2011 9:30am PDT
. you'll need it. >> jon: anarchy. we'll b ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. let me tell you this. the marriage equality act passing in new york wasn't the only bit of good news here this weekend. take a look at this. >> up next, setting the record straight about our interview last week with jon stewart. >> jon: yes! finally. ( applause ) let me tell you what's going on. i do an interview with chris wallace. i mentioned fox news viewers were the most consistently misinformed viewers in every poll. politifact said i shouldn't have said every poll. just most. i brought up a 21 lie salute of politifact spot fact checking so i assume that chris wallace now begins the work of apologizing for fox's many false and misleading statements. probably do a blooper show and carry us into the 2014 midterm s with a clear conscious. >> do you believe that fox news is exactly the
Comedy Central
Jul 14, 2011 2:00am PDT
't just come barging in here like that. what are you doing? - okay, look, it takes a big man to admit defeat, but you were right; i was wrong. everybody should be able to get married to whoever they want, which got me thinking about you and me. - oh, no, i'm not gonna marry you, if that's where this is headed. - what? dee, i would rather get shot in the face. - okay, then what are you doing here? - i'm glad you asked. i'm moving in. also, i need to get on your gym membership, because i got to get back in there asap before i lose this pump. what's with the beers? are you carbo-loading? - no. [gags] - oh, what are you doing? are you gonna throw up? - no. [gags] - then why are you gagging? - [coughs] - because, dee, that triggers my gag reflex too, and then i feel like i'm gonna throw up. - it's fine. i had some bad spaghetti... spaghetti. [gags] - [gags] oh, dee. look, the point is, the reason i came over here is because you were totally right about this marriage thing, okay? it is a special bond between two people in love. and everybody deserves that right. [both gagging] look, i'm thi
Comedy Central
Jul 8, 2011 6:50pm PDT
. january jon can we say first episode what... >> it's all about a big fart. the whole first episode is about a fart. and... >> jon: how long is the fart? >> i think it was 42 seconds long or something like that. [laughter] one-tenth of an episode is a fart. more than one-tenth. 20% of the episode is a fart. >> jon: i don't let your children watch your show. i don't let them watch my show, but i brought them in the room for the 42-second fart. they're still talking about it. >> listen, farts take a lot of [bleeped] for being... >> jon: what? >> they do. people think that that's low-brow humor, stupid humor. to me a fart is funny. fart is... let's break down a fart for a second. >> jon: please. >> okay. it comes out of your ass. [laughter] okay. it smells... >> jon: i'm glad you went for that number one. >> it comes out of your ass. it comes out of your ass. it smells like poop. because it's been just hanging out next to it for a long time. and it makes a little trumpet noise. come on, man. what's not funny about that? your ass flesh rubs together and it makes a noise that smells like
Comedy Central
Jul 8, 2011 9:30am PDT
it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. >> welcome back. my guest tonight, very funny comedian. his show fx's "louis." thank goodness it's back for another season. >> it's a mother dog. it's a mother dog like 14-nipple belly. that's what happens if i go like this. it's happening now, you just can't see it. it's a six pack for a whole other reason. it just hangs in sections. it actually is three sections with a split in the middle. >> jon: please welcome back to the show "louis"ck. [cheering and applause] >> that was really funny. >> jon: great to see you. >> thank you. [cheering and applause] >> jon: i'm so glad the show is back on. >> thank you >> jon: you want to do it again? >> i don't want to shake. i just want us to hoover. >> jon: do the hover shake. first episode was so good. >> thank you. jon and your acting now is getting good. >> you were describing it. i thought you were
Comedy Central
Jul 11, 2011 1:00pm PDT
and applause] we'll be right back. big deal days are back and better than ever! right now, go to priceline for a sneak peek at recent winning hotel bids to find where you can save up to 60% on hotels. we'll even email you other people's winning bids, so you'll know what price to name. with new hotel bid alerts, from priceline. >> welcome back. my guest tonight, very funny comedian. his show fx's "louis." thank goodness it's back for another season. >> it's a mother dog. it's a mother dog like 14-nipple belly. that's what happens if i go like this. it's happening now, you just can't see it. it's a six pack for a whole other reason. it just hangs in sections. it actually is three sections with a split in the middle. >> jon: please welcome back to the show "louis"ck. [cheering and applause] >> that was really funny. >> jon: great to see you. >> thank you. [cheering and applause] >> jon: i'm so glad the show is back on. >> thank you >> jon: you want to do it again? >> i don't want to shake. i just want us to hoover. >> jon: do the hover shake. first episode was so good. >> thank you. jon and y
Comedy Central
Jul 13, 2011 11:00pm PDT
principles and something special. >> analysts say her uncompromising views on homosexuality are one of big reasons she's gaining traction in iowa. >> jon: what? why would iowans be so concerned about what happens three inches below the corn belt? [laughter] since the iowa supreme court legalized same-sex marriage in 2009 they've noticed real changes in the state's cash crop! [laughter] yes, their worst fears corn destroyed by a (bleep) playing. [laughter] a -- (bleep) plague. movie about iowa field of -- if you build it they will -- you know. [laughter] it's no surprising the message is resonating to conservatives there. unless you think she's pandering rest april sured she's be on this message for years. >> if you are involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle it's bondage. it's personal bondage, personal despair and enslavement. that's why it's so dangerous. it's a sad life. it's part of satan to say this is gay. it's anything but gay. >> jon: if i were to use a word for their lifestyle i'd say it was queer. what they took that word, too? oh, god. those (bleep). they've got that one, too?
Comedy Central
Jul 26, 2011 2:00am PDT
, right? >> it's no big deal. >> yeah, we don't care. >> oh, my god, i got like a... oh, jesus. >> oh, baby. >> this close, baby. >> that is a weight off my shoulders, man. i really dodged a bullet on that one. >> well, we all did, we all did. >> hey, what about the museum? >> huh? >> yes. >> boom. >> yes, there's still time. okay, dee, we're out of here. you look like a turkey. >> yeah. also i would say, i would say you look like an-an ostrich. >> yes! >> right? >> you know, i was-- i want to call her an emu, but i want to save it for, you know... >> you are a big, fat, flightless bird. >> yeah yeah! (laughing) >> those are all... those are all... >> just sort of a general... >> the general whatever. >> july 25th, 2011 from comedy central world news headquarters in new york, this is the dale he show with swron stewart captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show with jon stewart. we have a very good show tonight. our guest tonight, neil patrick her is. (cheers and applause) now as you know many of our viewers live in the northern hemi
Comedy Central
Jul 26, 2011 6:55pm PDT
it. [music playing] oh, god. i'm gonna be so big when i get back. you're not gonna want to touch me. don't be ridiculous. i've been with a lot of big girls. oh, yeah? j.d., narrating: the best part of a great mystery is its resolution. whether you finally realize what your friend was looking for... so, tell me about your new job. it's amazing. or just figuring out why a guy was orange. and, um, am i ever gonna look normal again? oh, sure, sure, as long as you cut back on your vegetables, maybe, you know, buy some clothes from this decade. oh, i almost forgot-- your wife was crying the other night. keep an eye out for post-partum depression. it's pretty serious. she hasn't seemed sad at all, but i'll keep an eye out. j.d., narrating: of course, no matter how many mysteries you solve, it's always easy to miss one. turk, i can't handle going home right now. don't look at me! i wasn't crying. i just need a break from the baby. [crying] like who's really in trouble. [music playing] >> july 25th, 2011 from comedy central world news headquarters in new york, this is the dale he show with s
Comedy Central
Jul 27, 2011 2:00am PDT
to tell you that we're sorry for picking schmidty over you, and we feel like we made a big mistake, and we want you back, buddy. (voice breaking): and, uh, we pushed him out of a moving car for you. i can't do it. >> what is wrong with you? all right, i'll handle it. charlie, we have an announcement to make: it's your lucky day. we want you back. >> mac/frank: yeah. >> gotta say this is pretty classy, guys, but i wish you gave me one of these a long time time ago 'cause i'm a janitor now. (power waxer whirring) >> july 26, 2011! from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show"! my name is jon stewart. good show tonight! we got a nice one for you tonight. our guest tonight, npr's juan williams will be joining us. (cheers and applause) really? he's not there anymore? (laughter) well, i'll definitely ask him about that. (laughter) but we begin, of course, with our ongoing national crisis. (laughter and applause) one week, ladies and gentlemen, f
Comedy Central
Jul 27, 2011 6:55pm PDT
... how do i put this? grrreat! (cheers and applause) we'll be right back. ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. (cheers and applause) welcome back. every so often a news anchor end up becoming the story. dan rather being roughed up on the floor of the '68 democrat quick convention. marv albert having a sex scandal. barbara walters causing the destruction of the hindenburg. (laughter) why? why barbara? why do you kill? lately watching cnn i've noticed something newsworthy may be brewing there as well. >> one group calculated how much it would cost to go to hog warts school of witchcraft and wizardry. >> more than $43,000 and that's for only one year. tuition is actually the biggest chunk. just to send your kid off to become a wizard, it's going to price it right out of the ballpark i say. >> i'd say it costs zero because it doesn't exist. >> there you go. (laughter) >>
Comedy Central
Jul 26, 2011 11:00pm PDT
. you don't solve big questions, big problems. (cheers and applause). >> jon: but what is the causality, do you think? because, you know, part of the strategy, it seems, of partisan media organizations is to delegitimize your opponent by suggesting bias rather than dealing with the criticisms because something constructive can come out of anyone. when i watch fox news, it... there's often times they'll bring up a point that is extremely valid. >> sure. >> jon: i'm thinking of one, hold on. (laughter) but... (laughter) >> you stopped! >> jon: but isn't that... isn't it easy to say that it's a very easy thing to do to dismiss it, not all organizations that claim to be partisan are as such and they're not all created equal and what is the thing that is stymieing the debate? or allowing it to be honest? what is it that's preventing, in your mind, the honest aspect of it? >> because i think people don't listen. i think that it's right now as i said people get locked into one perspective or another and, you know, it's part of what's going on. and gulf stream to web sites with other like-minde
Comedy Central
Jul 6, 2011 7:00pm PDT
. cameron diaz. ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. i could use a smartphone with social apps to stay up on what my friends are doing. and it's global, so i'll know what they're doing while they're doing it, even when i travel. i'll have to act surprised when they tell me stuff. i don't have a good surprised face. maybe i can look up videos of surprised people on my new phone for reference. yep, i really want that phone. upgrade to the new droid incredible 2 by htc with global capabilities for only $9.99. now on america's largest, most reliabxr high-z9eed network. veƱtzon. >> jon: that's all for today's dr. oz show. [laughter] join me tomorrow when i have an abscess drained. [laughter] by catherine zeta-jones. here it is, your moment of zen. [babies crying] >> you okay, baby? >> they're fighting over a bottle. >> oh, no. oh. >> oh, yeah. >> can i get a quick picture? >
Comedy Central
Jul 26, 2011 9:30am PDT
. smurfs is in the theatre on friday. neil patrick harris! ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. (cheers and applause) swrz that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11 oing chro. here it is your moment of zen. >> lawmakers on capitol hill are also feeling the heat. >> it's hot in washington in more ways than one. >> as debt talks get heated and come down to the wir captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning spony comedy central [theme song playing] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. whoo, whoo! welcome to "the report." thank you so much. [audience chanting "stephen"] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: thank you so much. welcome. good to have you with us. folks, sorry about the glasses. sorry about these. i'm just... oh, my god, my eyes are still adjusting. i have not see
Comedy Central
Jul 26, 2011 1:00pm PDT
. amen. >> amen. >> what la lieu la. (cheers and applause) ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. go back to school with geek squad. so you can do things like... ... carry fewer books... ... become lord of the study group... take notes... while conserving energy... ... and stream... important school stuff. make school easier with geek squad support 24/7. online, on the phone or in-store. geek squad from best buy. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back, my guest tonight an actor whose new film is the smufers. >> okay, to review. you guys come from a magic fours where you live in oversized mushrooms, you're being chased by an evil wizard and trapped in new york until there is a blue moon and you like to use the extremely imprecise term smurf for about everything. >> smurf-actly and. >> and you're all named after your personalities, dow name then when you are born or a
Search Results 0 to 32 of about 33 (some duplicates have been removed)